Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
