If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
