Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
