two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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