all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
