thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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