You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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