yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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