I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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