Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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