She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
