just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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