a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He told me they were just razor bumps!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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