I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
