I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
