My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
