One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize