dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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