OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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