True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
