Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
