Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
