With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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