i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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