We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
