I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
