no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
