went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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