i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
