my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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