I accidentally had phone sex last night
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
