I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
