Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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