im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
