I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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