Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
