I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
