We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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