I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
