I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
