i wish my penis had a tongue
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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