Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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