lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
