The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
