She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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