Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
