Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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