Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
