there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
