dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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