I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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