Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
