you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
