my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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