he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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