Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
