kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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