you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
