I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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