I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
