ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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