I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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