I need help removing her.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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