I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
