I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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