Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
