And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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