When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
