I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
