I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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