My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
