Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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